I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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