Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
