Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
