I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
