this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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