They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
