Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
420 ftw
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
