Barsexuality is the new black.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't deserve a penis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
