I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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