remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
