I can text with my tongue
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Come see our sink grown plant.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
