I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
