I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
