i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
