his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
