Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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