True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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