I don't remember. Are we still dating?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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