I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
