yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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