Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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