I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize