Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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