whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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