So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
