i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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