I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
