Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
