It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
