an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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