Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
