Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
