Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
