i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
