Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
