Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
