I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize