seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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