3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
