Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
