you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
