I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
