why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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