i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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