New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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