I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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