I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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