the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
