I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
