3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
