forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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