Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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