Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
