i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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