Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
