It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
