Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
