Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
