i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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