i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
