So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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