get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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