video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
