Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
