Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
