And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just forgot I was standing up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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