I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
third nipple confirmed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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