she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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