I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
