I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
