Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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