I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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