imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
