you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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