i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
