You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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