Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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