i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
