no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
do herpes really smell.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
