I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
