I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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