dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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