my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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