Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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